TV Review: Euphoria Power Rankings and the Wedding We've All Been Waiting For

 Welcome all, to another round of Euphoria Power Rankings. For all the folks just joining, welcome to the mess. Last week's episode was wild, and I didn't think it could get much worse, but it did. It quite literally got much worse for everyone, even if they don't realize it just yet. 

However, this week's episode gave us drama. It gave us violence. It gave us fashion. It gave us conversations between characters we really thought that Sam Levinson forgot about. Euphoria is really taking an interesting route. It's juggling so much, yet everything does feel inner-connected. I don't feel like the story lines are as disjointed as they were in previous seasons. I am just hoping they don't drop the ball like they did last season and abandon the most important parts of the show (i.e., Rue's suitcase) until several years later.

I also think there is something to say about Sam Levinson's obsession with sex work. It's a show. I understand that, but nearly every character is engaged with some aspect of sex work. Jules is a sugar baby. Maddy is a talent manager for Only Fans models. Cassie is actively on Only Fans. Rue works for at strip club. It's like that saying goes...If I had a nickel for every time a female character is involved in sex work, I'd only have a couple of nickels, but its still weird that it happened twice, right? I don't quite know what the angle is, but there's something brewing here. Is it gross? Is it intentional? Is it both? It's probably both, but I highly doubt there's this high-brow, intellectual reason for it, as much as he probably finds it "fun."

So, let's get into it, this week's power ranking of Euphoria Season 3, Episode 3: The Ballad of Paladin.

Laurie and Pals / Alamo and Friends (Not included in this week's ranking)

I am grouping these folks together again because I still find it hard to rank them amongst young adults that just make bad decisions. These people are fully criminals. The rivalry between Laurie and Alamo is an interesting B plot because they're a little like Tom and Jerry. Their fights are almost so ridiculous I have to suspect my disbelief that they're actually dangerous when they are just pranking each other. However, things are getting serious and Rue is definitely going to be caught in the middle of what they have going on, but I don't know if she realized just how deep she's in. 

Anyways, that's enough of that. Here's the real ranking! 

Cal

I know I am not the first person to say that I am genuinely surprised that he didn't mess up that speech, or bring up anything inappropriate at all. Surely, he did save it for his conversation with Jules, because who just casually admits they are on the registry??!! He actually does belong there, but I don't know if I'd call that conversation closure in the way that the show wants us to think it is. I know the conversation is supposed to be played off as humorous, but its actually so sad, which is why he's at the bottom. 

Faye

I am literally only including her here because I need to talk about WHY SHE IS STILL AT LAURIE'S? Rue brought her to Laurie's as a favor, but, for the life of me, why is she just hanging out with these guys? I guess, its just somewhere to be. Last season she was just hanging out with Fez, and now she's doing the same with these guys.

Rue

This girl is seriously stressing me the hell out. She kind of takes a back seat this episode until the end, but its still poor decision...after poor decision. There's growing discourse about Rue being a "good person" vs being a "bad person," which is quite literally not the point of the show. There are some people who are legitimately bad people, but Rue is not one of them. She's morally complex, which is what makes the show so good. She's not nearly Walter White levels of bad at this point, but it seems that the more she gets involved at the club, the more lines she crosses. I know she's not stupid, so she does know what's going on. However, while I fear she is going to figure her way out of all of this, but I don't trust that she can leave well enough alone.

Lexie

My queen is back! Her scenes were very small, but they were mighty. I think the conversation that she had with Cassie at her wedding was a great callback to last season when Cassie says that she's "never been happier," but she knows something is up. I think, however, she's smart enough to not get involved. What is she up to? Is she going to be all up in everyone's business again? Lexie needs more screen time. She's usually the voice of reason and so refreshing when there's a ton of action going on, but she didn't do much this episode. It's why she's riding closer to the bottom, but she has to have more to do this season. There's so much going on - give our girl some action, please!

Nate 

So, I, too, cannot believe these two got married. I don't know how long its going to last, but I am here for for the ride. There's so much to talk about - Nate's lobotomy is truly something. I mean, I honestly forgot about Jules and Nate's relationship, so it was interesting that he decided to have them reconnect at Nate's wedding. I also thought it was interesting choice to have Jules and Nate's father have a brief conversation. I don't think it really added anything to the narrative, as much as the rest of the things that happen to Nate this episode, but I am intrigued that Sam Levinson decided to bring up their connection. Now, Nate is truly put through the ringer this episode. The man literally gets his toe cut off on his wedding day in front of his wife. He gets accosted by a man and called broke in front of everyone. His wife hits him in the eye with a champagne cork. 

This new Nate is an interesting character. Some call it the calm before the storm. I call it Jacob Elordi's attempt as a redemption arc. The man clearly does not want to be associated with this character, so he's playing it quite differently this season. I mean, this is a man that was ripped in the last few seasons and now he's not even fighting back against some guy trying to potentially kill him. Like...he didn't throw a single punch, which is crazy. He's actually not insufferable, except for the fact that he kept calling Cassie...Cassie Jacobs. It's weird, for sure, but God forbid, I actually feel bad for him. It actually seems like he likes Cassie, which was definitely not the case before. For the most part, he tolerated her, but now suddenly, he's head over heels and actually kind of a good partner. Sam Levinson, you will pay for making me feel sympathy for this man and forcing me to place him higher in the ranking than I would normally.

Jules 

This wasn't an entirely Jules-centered episode, but I think there is something about having her start the episode off, and slowly having her take a back seat, until the last few minutes. There's a bit of a mystery happening with Jules. We learn more about this "boyfriend" and the rest of her clients. We learn about how she got into being a sugar baby. We also learn that she has one hell of a wardrobe. I know that people were going off about Maddy's outfit, but Jules...baby...there's a time and place for that kind of dress. I mean, Rue did tell her to dress sexy, but if someone came to my wedding and upstaged me like that...We would be taking it out back.

I think out of everyone who hated high school, Jules is a character that really wants to be disconnected from the person she was and the people that she knew. She really took this opportunity to show up and show out because she wants people to know that she's not the same girl from high school. I think deep down, she knows this isn't true, especially because she continuously still engages with Rue. Rue is like her only connection to high school and she can't quite let Rue go. She's like one of those people who refuses to be the one that "peaked in high school," but that doesn't mean that her new life is all glitter and sunshine. Her "boyfriend" is a weird man. There are definitely strings some with this relationship and at some point, something is going to have to give. Girl, you are not SAFE! Stand up! 

Cassie

Sydney Sweeney was really in her bag this episode. I mean, I mentioned this last episode, but I think she really has an understanding of Cassie and her mannerisms. From one liners like, "What does that have to do with me?" in regards to her husband swindling money from their neighbors to "I'm bleeding! This is my wedding night" while her husband is actively getting his toes cut off is insane.

She knows what she's doing and she's playing a game. I truly don't know if she knows what game she is playing, but I definitely see that she's not as naive as she wants other people to believe. I will give her the benefit of the doubt that the wedding was impeccable and looked like a fun time (not the dance - that grinding was actually crazy), but the girl knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after what she wants. Last episode, she talked to Maddy about the fact that she's prettier than most of the girls on Only Fans, yet she doesn't have as big of a following. This is such a big step forward for a girl that was copying her best friend's look, so she could get Nate's attention. She's definitely grown - not for the betterment of herself or for anyone else's benefit, but she's definitely grown up and is way more confident. The girl is literally complaining about how her man ain't shit to the drug dealer who cut his toe off. I mean, she didn't get them into the situation and she really doesn't want anything to do with it and for that I'll give it to her. 

The girl is also so unintentionally funny. I'll give her that, too.  

Maddy

So, we get to see a new side of Maddy in this episode. She comes off as confident and headstrong, which she is, don't get me wrong, but there is something weighing on her this episode. There's discourse about whether she's feels something for Nate or if she's jealous of Cassie. The camera was pointed more towards Cassie, so I am with that. I mean, Maddy and Cassie were best friends. I know that Maddy cared about Nate, but she cared way more about Cassie than she did Nate. She was actually really hurt by Cassie lying to her about being with him than them actually hooking up. Maddy going home to her small, sad, apartment while Cassie walked into a literal nightmare is just fitting. It's also fitting to have Maddy up at the top of this week's ranking. Our girl is opening up, and I think we're going to see more of her next week.

That's it for this week. I don't have too much more to mention, but there were some other moments that I'd like to talk to people about. The fake Fezco call?  Rue and the DEA? Two animal deaths in one episode? How do we all feel? Let me know in the comments and, of course...

Happy TV Watching!