amazons' the wilds proves that we are seriously failing teenage girls.

the introduction to amazon's new show, the wilds, really hit home for a lot of reasons. not because the show is essentially about young girls being stranded on deserted island. not because the girls had to fend for themselves with barely any food or fresh water. not even because they're obviously extremely traumatized from what happened on the island and being forced to relate what happened to two grown men. it is because of how each of the girls talk about how they were better off on the island alone because of how poorly they were treated by society before they fully cut off from it.

each episode focuses on a different girl and the very different experiences they've had that led them to getting put on the plane that crashed-landed on the island that they're currently inhabiting. one of the girls is named leah, (sarah pidgeon) who is dealing with her first heartbreak. it's very real and very painful, but, what we learn later (which those mf annoyingly scientists gloss over), is that her relationship was with a 30-year old man. she is very evidently, the main character of the group. we spend the most time with her outside of the group and she is the one that leads the monologue that sets up one of the most important parts of the show: that, we, as a society, are failing teenage girls.

some albums i enjoyed in 2020

2020 has been a complete and utter dumpster fire. (no puns intended) the only thing to bring me any solace was music. i could be basic by beginning this post by saying the typical "music has saved my life" mumbo-jumbo, but i will save that for a later time. i wish i had a better excuse for being less consistent with this blog than i wanted to, but, frankly, i don't really have a good reason, so let's pretend i did.

i trust you all have been on your best behavior, staying indoors and wearing a mask and whatnot, and if you haven't...

well, damn that's crazy...

but the new year is almost upon us and i've determined to be on some fresh stuff for 2021 and not just because i upped and moved my entire life 5 hours up north. that's right. i've finally moved to chicago. and if we're also talking accomplishments, let's also just talk about how i consistently went to about 90% of my therapy appointments (thanks, cynthia). i also deleted all my dating apps (also, thanks to cynthia). and lastly, i also unfollowed everyone that i found remotely irritating and am now pretending that they died because their internet presence felt like an attack on my personal well-being. BUT what kind of year would it be without some sort of wrap-up buzzfeed-type list. i thought that i would like to close this year off with some albums that have truly brought me the kind of peace of mind that i never thought i could achieve during a literal pandemic. 

how to gracefully poop in your crush's home

yes, i know that everyone poops. i know that its really not a big deal, but you know what is a big deal: IMPRESSING PRETTY PEOPLE. personally, i am constantly trying not to ruin the slim chances that i have with interacting with and potentially kissing pretty people. its a nerve-wracking experience to enter the space of someone you're attracted to. BUT the idea of my bowels imploding into their toilet is even more nerve-wracking because what if they were to find out that i blew up their toilet? what if i poop and there's no toilet paper? what if the toilet just doesn't flush? what if they told their homies that my poop smells? what if we break up and their cute homies won't take me out after we break up because they think my poop smells?

as a perpetually horny person, that benefit does not outweigh the risk.

chloe and halle's "ungodly hour" is all about disrupting yourself or die trying

 

so, if we're going to keep it real, i wasn't a big fan of chloe and halle's debut, the kids are alright. i thought it was frankly that: alright. it was a very good debut for two teens just making it out in the music industry. it has this sort of youthful, coming-of-age, flair that made it enjoyable and ambitious, but also very forgettable, in terms of everything else that came out in 2018 (sweetener, invasion of privacy, dirty computer, negro swan, isolation, the list goes on-and-on). again, this isn't to say that it wasn't good because it was and still is! it's an album that showcases the very things that got the girls noticed in the first place: their ability to harmonize, synchronize and do the damn the thing without losing each other in the progress. they work together and they work well.  

when the two sisters started their career as musicians, they were uploading youtube covers (all of which are still on their channel). after a cover of beyonce's pretty hurts went viral, they were signed to beyonce's very own parkwood label, which is a feat in itself as that label literally only has like 4 artists signed to it (INCLUDING BEYONCE HERSELF). and when the kids are alright came out they were merely teens and much like the album title states, despite the newfound fame, despite being thrust in the limelight, they were alright. however, instead of lamenting about being conflicted with it all, or being afraid of it, they kept it real.

i love found footage horror with my whole chest

in 2015, i vividly remember going to see unfriended at midnight when it came out. i had just gotten off a very late shift at [redacted], so I drove furiously down the street to the theater, slammed my credit card down on the AMC ticket counter, and huffed and puffed my way into my seat. (middle row, dead-center, period). i remember sweating profusely as i unwrapped my scarf and threw my coat into the seat next to me and propped my feet up. unbeknownst to me, before i almost committed vehicular manslaughter to get there on time, there were possibly only 5 other people seeing the film. the aforementioned huffing and puffing occurred because i thought that i was seeing a masterpiece and wanted to get there early to get a good seat. even though i frequently went found myself in catastrophically empty theaters to see b-movie horror classics like cabin in the woods, you're next, the possession, and shark night, i really thought that unfriended was going to be different.

why? because it was found footage.

now i love found footage horror. i will continue to love found footage horror for the rest of my life because trust me, its evolving. it will come back and i am not talking about with some unfriended sequel....(unless?) however, i saw a video where someone mentioned that found footage horror in the 2000-2010s had the impact that slashers did in the 80-90s and i think this is an impeccable point to be made.

the black girl lives! and more on the "final girls" of modern horror

warning: i'm going to talk about a film that absolutely no one saw or gives a damn about. last year, around january, there was a film that snuck past everyone called escape room. now, there was not a single person who say this film and thought that it was doing something special (myself included), because it was one of those horror films that comes out during "dumb month" season. this "dump month" consists of really terrible horror that most studios have little-to-no hope for in terms of profit. whether it be weather, the lack of spending due to the holidays or the distractions of the Oscars, Golden Globes and the Superbowl, people just don't seem to go out to the movies as much in january and feburary, so to fill up slots, theaters fill up with low budget, b-horror, dump films like escape room. however, again, while absolutely no one had anything to say about this film, i am here to tell you today, that was a lie.  it was all a lie. i have things to say!