why does everyone in chicago hate ketchup so much?

someone recently came over to my apartment and we ate food. it was good food, but at some point, they asked me i had some ketchup they could use. i, being the lovely host that i am, got up and searched my fridge, cabinets and just about all over my kitchen for ketchup. but, unfortunately, i did not have any.

 

and while they were truly astonished that i did not own any ketchup because of the mere principle of the situation, it confused me as well. not just because i deliberately remember buying ketchup a few weeks ago because my roommate asked me to, but because i couldn't quite remember the last time i actively put ketchup on anything or moreover, even enjoyed it as a condiment.

 

then i remembered: oh, i'm from chicago. 

so before we continue, i would like to say that: i am actually from chicago. i was born in the city of chicago. i will not be providing my birth certificate for legal reasons, but just know: i am not from rosemont or schaumberg, or elmhurst or naperville (god, fuck naperville) or whatever chicagoland suburb that most people like to pretend they're not from when people want to know about chicago.  

i know this is such a simple dichotomy, but its an important one. riding the green/blue line into the city every weekend from the suburbs does not mean you are "from chicago." knowing where maxwell's is does not mean you are "from chicago." however, if you have  survived a trip to the harold's on 87th street and also, at some point, had someone expose themselves on the cta, i will consider your case. personally, i have not lived in chicago for some time, but i will forever be indebted to my birthplace for the things that are associated with it and thus, me as a result.

i never really knew that wherever you are from really crafted your identity and the way that people see you. that is,  however until, i moved away from my birthplace and had to tell other people about it.when people hear that i am "from chicago", they begin to associate various things with me. whether it be the food, da bears, lori lightfood or moreover, the crime, it either makes people very curious or very concerned for me. this is not the same for who live in the "chicagoland" area, or moreover, the suburbs, because don't have to deal with these sorts of things where they're from. they can simply take the metra or the cta and just get safely back home until they want to come back into the city once things have died down.

 

however, regardless of where you are from, everyone in or around the chicagoland knows this: never, ever, ever put ketchup on your hot dog. 

 

moreover, when you google the words "chicago", "hot dog" and "ketchup", one of the questions that appear under the "people also frequently ask" section  of google includes "is ketchup illegal in chicago?

 

of course, it is not illegal to eat ketchup in chicago. refusing to wear a mask during a deadly pandemic is not illegal in chicago. wearing those disgusting foot shoes in public is also not illegal in chicago.

 

but should they be?  

absolutely. 

 

but will people do whatever they want as long as they won't get arrested for it?

 

they sure will. 

 

therefore, you can go ahead and eat ketchup on a hot dog, but does that make it okay?

well, that depends on who you ask. i don't actually know because i truly have never given it that much thought, but, let's take a walk to figure out what the hell is going on together.

so, there could be a number of reasons why a city is just across-the-board against a simple condiment, like ketchup. it could be just mere taste. is could also be pride because there is such thing as the "chicago style hot dog." it could also be fear from the kind of citywide gate-keeping that keeps people from wheaton from going around and telling people that they're "from chicago."

  

so i decided to do the thing i know best and... ask the internet. 

 

i put up a poll on instagram and many people from the city had things to say about their feelings on ketchup. these responses ranged from "it's just not right" to "it's childish. grow up" to various "scientific" explanations on its properties as a condiment and how it affects the other things on the hot dog itself. while i didn't ask for all of this, it is interesting to think about if we consider all that comes on the aforementioned "chicago style hot dog." so, if we break down the chicago dog, it consists of the following:

• yellow mustard
• white onion
• sliced tomatoes
  
•  dill pickles
  
• green relish
  
• celery salt 
• the dog itself
  

from the responses in my inbox, the reason that ketchup is not on this list is because it is far too sweet and messes up the sort of acidic combination that chicago dog has going on with mustard, pickles, relish and so forth. 

 

someone also mentioned the redundancy of adding ketchup to a chicago dog because there is "a whole damn tomato" already on the hot dog, which i get, but i also don't get it because ketchup and tomatoes taste hella different, but i digress. 

 

the last point that i will bring up is that some people truly believe that it is childish to put ketchup on a hot dog. see, while i find it to be childish to believe that ketchup and tomatoes are the same thing, (just because they really aren't. i really don't know how else to explain this) i personally do not fully believe that ketchup itself is childish. do children consume it? yes. do full grown adults also consume it? yes, absolutely. but again, does that make it right? again, depends on who you ask.

 

for the most part, ketchup is considered childish because kids put it on everything. for the life of me, i will never understand why kids put ketchup on chicken nuggets. they cover their food in the mess and it's weird, but, again, i digress. the point i am trying to make here is that kids cover their foods in condiments so that they can't really taste what they're supposed to be eating and with this in mind, if you decide that this is what you want to do, you are essentially just being a big ass kid.

now, with all this in mind, i will say to say that everyone from chicago hates ketchup because that would be a lie. do a majority of people from chicago actively hate ketchup? yes, they do. do i personally walk around chicago fearful that someone will snatch my food out of my hands if they see me with ketchup on my hot dog? absolutely, because they will. will you piss some people off if you, too, walk around with ketchup on your own hot dog? yes, you will. 

 

and if you think that i am wrong, please visit exihbit a:

 

but at the end of the day. just do whatever you want. a place is just a place. a hot dog is simply a hot dog. if you want to take the extra precautions and eat a hot dog secretly in an alleyway because you're afraid of being chastised, go ahead. if you want open have people scowl at you while you eat a mess of a hot dog in public, be my guest. if you want to a 35 minute conversation with a stranger and explain to them that you don't actually live in chicago, but rather, 20 miles away in a town no one has ever heard of, that is fine as well.

 

 i don't even eat hot dogs of any kind. i personally think that all kinds of hot dogs are actually just kind of gross anyways. they're literally mashed up parts of random animals and moreover, the shape of a hot dog is just weird. that's the real problem if you ask me, but, then again, you probably didn't.